People"seek" out people who are broken because they think they can "fix" them. When they can't, they can become fatigued, and drained. this is because they are trying wayyy too hard to fix someone. We are not pottery, nor are we something that is broken. Everyone suffers and everyone suffers in their own way;however, "fixers" as I am going to call them, need to be needed and need to fix that person.this is not the same as just being someone who just wants to be there for someone, this is conditional and selfish.
---It is a sense of accomplishment to be "the one" to make someone who has depression all better.
---It is something they get to brag about. "I am a great person since I fixed him, be in awe of my awesome skills, I am better than YOU."
---It gives them a sense of charity in their dull life.You know those people who donate and them talk about it. Think of this as the same thing.
--You know when people go out of their way to help a disabled person even though it's been noted that disabeled people dislike help? Think of it that way. They want to show everyone they are a "helper" even though they are just being selfish.
---They want to "fix" them like a project. As an electron would fix a light, or a watchmaker fixes watches.
Either way, it is wrong to use a person as a goal or a trophy of accomplishment.
--They literally get turned on sexually by bossing others around and trying to make them into what they want.(NOT BDSM. BDSM is not about changing someone BDSM is more about acceptance not changing someone to fit the person's needs and wants. If you think "oh, I'll make this fat ass lose weight by forcing him to because I'm totally like a dominatrix," you are wrong.This is more just being a c*nt and a bully to others.). That is like, a sexual narcissist, or something
- Why You Should Avoid the Fixer-Upper Man and The Broken Wing Theory - they are usually a narcissist. Although no one is perfect, the narcissist is one of the few who really are unlovable.
- The curse of seeing someone’s potential… | summitcitysingle
- The Dangers Of Loving Someone For Their Potential
- Don’t Fall in Love With His Potential | Getting to TRUE Love
- Accepting What Is | Getting to TRUE Love
- Why is it good to want others to be happy?" Rand said in a clip that Oliver played in the segment. "You can make others happy and when and if those others mean something to you selfishly." - Ayn Rand (I don't agree with her as a whole)
- Abraham Hicks ~ I'm going to love you, which means I'm going to ignore you completely! uploaded by zmahoon YouTube
- Fix-it syndrom
- "Fix-It" Syndrome @ Out of the FOG - "Examples of Fixers & Rescuers.A fiancé whose future spouse explodes in a fit of rage, but who chooses to go ahead with the wedding, thinking "I can change him/er after the wedding." A husband in an abusive relationship who decides to "love her through the pain." An abused wife who decides not to seek out professional help, preferring to "try harder to work on herself".A partner in a relationship who tries to keep the peace through making everything "perfect" for their partner at home.A parent with a personality-disordered child who seeks solutions by being a better parent.A child of a personality-disordered parent who tries to win their favor through academic performance."
- “Mr. Fix It” Syndrome | The Mind of an Intellectual
- Are You a Rescuer? @Getting to TRUE Love
- "Rescuer Syndrome - Rescuer Syndrome is when a non-personality-disordered individual assumes that their own strength, skill and knowledge are adequate to compensate for a personality-disordered individual's behavioral issues.Many Chosen Non-PD’s are fixers, rescuers and well-meaning individuals who try to use their own ability to bring about change in others through the power of influence, persuasion, coercion or charm." - Out of the FOG
- Words of Wisdom to "Rescuers" By Bruce Fisher, Ed.D. @ Philosophy Religion - " You rescuers can easily believe you are "superior" to those who need rescuing. You believe you are doing all of these wonderful things that will get you brownie points in Heaven. It's true the things you get done are impressive. You are doing many kind deeds to and for others. Many times you provided an environment that allowed the other person to make tremendous personal growth. However, it is helpful to realize that your rescuing is often controlling others, keeping them smaller, weaker, dependent, and unable to do things for themselves. Your need to rescue someone means you will have to keep them in a need of rescuing."
- Psych Gripe: Therapist Types: The Rescuer
- Rescuers and fixers @ Examiner.com
- @ Wikipedia
They see the person as a "project" this is Objectification of a person.
Stop needing them to be okay, stop trying to "fix" them.The one suffering is not obligated to be happy
- Overcoming the Need to Fix | By Livestrong Contributor - "seeing another person, place or thing as "in need'' and the automatic response pattern to this message.* belief that, unless everything is "just right'' for another person, then that person can never fully be happy in life.* obsessive need to have every thing, person, and place "perfect'' or "correct'' in order for you to be comfortable enough to be relaxed and accepting of them.* inability to accept people, places or things the way they are and the chronic attempt at changing them even if they are unchangeable.
* acting on the belief that you have more knowledge than others as to what is good for them so you strive to correct their thinking to "see the light'' in your way." - Addicted to Helping: Why We Need to Stop Trying to Fix People By Annika Martins
- "“You never apologized to me for hurting me, but I apologized to you 12 times for being angry about it.” - this is stupid. Why? Because the person's significant other is not a mind reader. They do not know how he or she is feeling. Their partner doesn't "know" he or she is sad, and if they do, they may not have a high Emotional IQ , may not be as empathetic as you, or may not have the best communication skills when it comes to trying to comfort someone. it is YOU who chooses to apologize 12 times. Apologize once, and leave them be to reboot. It seems this person has abandonment issues, which is something they need to realize. Maybe use some DBT skills to just let this person have his or her space (not in the relationship, but physically) let him or her just reboot.Communicate and talk, stop nagging and just "be." it shouldn't be "my way or it's wrong," everyone has his or her own way of showing remorse. Some people buy flowers (giving gifts) while others say "I'm sorry" (words of affirmation)