- You Are a Being, Not a Burden by Shelley Queen - "Saying the words “I’m not doing so great” doesn’t mean you’re a burden, or tiresome, or exhausting. It’s a part of being alive. Every emotion is. Joy. Hurt. Pain. Love. Hope. Fear. It’s all there to be felt, to be experienced.You are a being. You are. You exist. You contribute. You breathe. You love. You fight. You hurt. You feel.And because of all this, because you exist, you matter.So let the world see the person with a story that deserves to be told.Your pain isn’t a burden.You are a being, not a burden."
- On or about 4 December 1882 Vincent wrote:“It’s always very tempting to draw a figure at rest — expressing action is very difficult, and in the eyes of many the effect is ‘more pleasing’ than anything else. But this pleasing aspect mustn’t lose sight of truth, and the truth is that there’s more toil than rest in life.”" Credit with a picture Van Gogh dre
Be a Supportive "therapist". Part of the friendship, relationship job description is to "be a therapist" It's not just reaping financial benefits and being worshipped by someone else.
- Supportive Psychotherapy @ Psychology Today - "Supportive psychotherapy is the attempt by a therapist bv any practical means whatever to help patients deal with their emotional distress and problems in living. It includescomforting, advising, encouraging, reassuring, and mostly listening, attentively and sympathetically. The therapist provides an emotional outlet, the chance for patients to express themselves and be themselves. Also the therapist may inform patients about their illness and about how to manage it and how to adjust to it. Over the course of treatment he may have to intercede on a patient’s behalf with various authorities, including schools and social agencies, and with the patient’s family- indeed, with all of those with whom the patient may be contending."
- Basic Strategies of Dynamic Supportive Therapy @ NCBI
- @Health Central
- Individual Therapy, Supportive,Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dynamic Psychotherapy@ Encino Psychiatrists
- The Supportive Component of Psychotherapy @ Psychiatric Times
- Supportive Techniques @ NCBI
- 5 keys to good results with supportive psychotherapy : Current Psychiatry
- Techniques of Individual Supportive Psychotherapy : Textbook of Psychotherapeutic Treatments
- Methods and Techniques of Supportive Psychotherapy @ pamapsy.com
- Learning Supportive Psychotherapy: An Illustrated Guide @ aacp
- "Supportive psychotherapy is a psychotherapeutic approach that integrates psychodynamic, cognitive-behavioral, and interpersonal conceptual models and techniques.[1] The objective of the therapist is to reinforce the patient's healthy and adaptive patterns of thought behaviors in order to reduce the intrapsychic conflicts that produce symptoms of mental disorders. Unlike in psychoanalysis, in which the analyst works to maintain a neutral demeanor as a "blank canvas" for transference, in supportive therapy the therapist engages in a fully emotional, encouraging, and supportive relationship with the patient as a method of furthering healthy defense mechanisms, especially in the context of interpersonal relationships." - Wikipedia
"Actin' Crabby"
- 10 Easy Ways to Deal With Me When I'm Being a Bitch -10. Don't resist it 9. Know that it won't last forever 8. Know that it's not really about what it's about 7. Have fun with it 6. When I act like a child, think of me like a child 5. Call me out (gently) 4. If you can't handle it, leave 3. Take care of yourself 2. If you don't know how to support me, ask 1. Love me anyway"
Smothering/Clingy
Things to do instead of pushing someone to talk about how they are feeling, or pushing them to feel better. Things a person could do are:
Don't keep asking if they are alright. it can cause them to become frustrated and annoyed with you.
Use mindfulness and DBT/CBT skills to get over being annoyed or upset until they feel better.
Ask them at a later time when things are not too emotional. They may want to discuss things then.
Accepting their space and wishes to not discuss their feelings and emotions at the time.
Snuggling and cuddling with them during a movie,eating,etc.
Buy him/her a journal to write about it.
Buy a voice recorder so they can talk to the recorder about their problems to talk about it.
--ask if you can read their journal or listen to their recording so you know what is going on in their life. They may say no, but remember that is okay. Respect their privacy.
If they do let you, ask if they would like to discuss it in more detail with you.
Ask them if you can give them a hug, kiss, some cuddles, sex, maybe talk, or eat. It always helps.
Just ask what they would like you to do.
try doing something cute for them.
Things to do instead of pushing someone to talk about how they are feeling, or pushing them to feel better. Things a person could do are:
Don't keep asking if they are alright. it can cause them to become frustrated and annoyed with you.
Use mindfulness and DBT/CBT skills to get over being annoyed or upset until they feel better.
Ask them at a later time when things are not too emotional. They may want to discuss things then.
Accepting their space and wishes to not discuss their feelings and emotions at the time.
Snuggling and cuddling with them during a movie,eating,etc.
Buy him/her a journal to write about it.
Buy a voice recorder so they can talk to the recorder about their problems to talk about it.
--ask if you can read their journal or listen to their recording so you know what is going on in their life. They may say no, but remember that is okay. Respect their privacy.
If they do let you, ask if they would like to discuss it in more detail with you.
Ask them if you can give them a hug, kiss, some cuddles, sex, maybe talk, or eat. It always helps.
Just ask what they would like you to do.
try doing something cute for them.
- How to Help Someone Who Feels Suicidal @ The Mighty - Validate feelings, don't judge, don't try to "fix" it,etc. Just be there.
- "...Whatever you're worrying about just stop.... You think I need to see you with my eyes to know what's going on with you."
Object constancy the fudge out them.
One major thing that about someone who has depression, bpd, etc. has to deal with is the lack of object consistency.
"Lack of Object Constancy - An inability to remember that people or objects are consistent, trustworthy and reliable, especially when they are out of your immediate field of vision." - Out of the Fog
"Lack of Object Constancy - An inability to remember that people or objects are consistent, trustworthy and reliable, especially when they are out of your immediate field of vision." - Out of the Fog
- This Ring Lets You Feel Their Heartbeat In Real Time, Anywhere In The World – Mystical Raven
- Keep a pic of each other.This is great when you want to see each other, but can't be around each other physically.
- Give each other something with sentimental value that is special and unique to you both.
- My boyfriend and I keep Adam & eve root with each other so we are "together" when we are not together physically..
- Text them a lot
- You don't need to if your partner does not have bpd, but this is a good way for them to not feel abandoned.For them it's the world. it's a text,it's a few extra phone calls to make sure they feel loved.Not a big deal to take a bit of extra time and effort to show you support them.
- Keep clothes with their smell at their house and some of their clothes at your house.
Reassure them
Have patience with them
The HKCSTE technique
- Ask them if you can give them a hug, kiss, some cuddles, sex, maybe talk, or eat. It always helps.
Just ask them what they want you to do.
Validating feelings
- [Pic:] 5 things to say to someone with BPD from Borderline Personality Disorder fb page
- "A simple validating statement... can be the most powerful response to any emotional need."
- Mentalization Based Treatment Training video with Anthony Bateman - Empathic Validation 1 uploaded by The Anna Freud Centre - "In this video Anthony Bateman demonstrates empathic validation at the beginning of a session with a patient.Empathic validation with the patient’s current state of mind is the initial stance of the MBT clinician at the beginning of every session. This requires the clinician to identify the basic or primary emotion and to demonstrate that he or she sees things from the patient perspective. This stabilizes the patient’s sense of self and reduces anxiety. If possible the clinician also needs to show that he understands the effect that the problem is having on the patient. In this case this is only partially achieved. For a full commentary of this training video, please visit: MBT Training Resources - http://annafreud.org/training-researc..."
- The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook: Practical Strategies for Living with Someone Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder: by Randi Kreger - "The symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD) include severe mood shifts, unfounded accusations and wildly inappropriate displays of anger, a range of self-destructive behaviors, and frantic efforts to avoid abandonment. For the friends and families of people with BPD, The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook supports and reinforces the ideas in its partner book Stop Walking on Eggshells.The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook can be used by itself, or as an accompaniment to the first book. A practical guide to successfully navigating life with someone with BPD, it’s chock full of worksheets, checklists, and exercises to help them apply what they’ve learned to their own relationship. It includes a form to help to fill in when looking for a clinician, a list of phrases to use, and a glossary of BPD-related terms. The book is easy to read and right to the point."
- Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson - "Four character profiles describe different symptom clusters that include the waif mother, the hermit mother, the queen mother, and the witch. Children of borderlines are at risk for developing this complex and devastating personality disorder themselves. Dr. Lawson's recommendations for prevention include empathic understanding of the borderline mother and early intervention with her children to ground them in reality and counteract the often dangerous effects of living with a "make-believe" mother. Some readers may recognize their mothers as well as themselves in this book. They will also find specific suggestions for creating healthier relationships." Note: this can be used by people who are just in a relationship with someone. It may help you out a lot.
- The World of the Borderline Mother--And Her Children @ Psychology Today
- Hard to Love: Understanding and Overcoming Male Borderline Personality Disorder.Joseph Nowinski, Ph.D., - "Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) in men is often misdiagnosed and typically leads to either no treatment or the wrong treatment. This is the first book to address this under-recognized problem. It contains symptoms and causes, as well as treatment, targeted to men who suffer from BPD."
- The Faces of Male Borderline Personality Disorder @Psychology Today - "As is true for women, Nowinski says, the vast majority of men with BPD are not unlovable—rather, they can be hard to love. ....As I skim through the book, I can see it will be tremendously validating to men who have the strength to consider that just because he's not perfect doesn't make him unworthy. "
- Scattershot (book) by David Lovelace @ Wikipedia // Amazon - "Four out of the five people in poet David Lovelace’s immediate family have experienced bipolar disorder—including David himself. His relationship with the disease began with his artist mother’s severe depressions during his boyhood in the 1960s and continued through decades of his preacher father’s increasingly eccentric behavior. The family’s battle with the disorder reached its apex in 1986, the year that his father, his brother, and David himself were all committed in quick succession. Only his sister has escaped unscathed."
- composer63's Youtube channel
- Ways The Beautifully Broken Girl Loves Differently
- Fight Star- The english way @Youtube // @ Genius ("the english way means persisitant and never giving up on something. "I will never give up on you for sll the times you sat and sang to me trying to make me better.So now I'm trying to let you know that this is the English way to make us all fit back together"
- When Hope is Not Enough Paperback by Bon Dobbs
- *Demi Lovato - I Hate You, Don't Leave Me (Lyrics Video) from OwnEpicWay
- 10 Ways People With Depression Love Differently @ PuckerMob
- 20 Things You Should Never Say To Someone With Depression BY SHAWN BINDER - 1. “Maybe should go see a therapist. 4. “You know, you can choose to be happy."6. “Are you sure you shouldn’t be taking meds?” 15. “You have X, Y, and Z--what do you have to feel sad about?”20. “You need to learn to love yourself before someone else can learn to love you.”
- How to Love a Girl Who Doesn’t Know How to Be Loved.
- Cute things to say/do for someone(especially one who is suffering from depression/BPD,etc)
- 7 Ways To Show Love To Someone With Anxiety/Depression from Amy Lynn Rand (dot) wordpress
- The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells by Randi Kreger
- [Pic:] Every night she rubs cream on my scars and tells me how handsome I am. "
- How to Love a Broken Soul BY TAFOSTER84
- **Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder: How to Keep Out-of-Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship by Shari Y. Manning PhD
- Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul T. Mason & Randi Kreger
- I Hate You, Don't Leave Me by Jerold J., M.D. Kreisman , Hal Strauss
- Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder: How to Keep Out-of-Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship by Shari Y. Manning PhD , Marsha M. Linehan PhD ABPP (Foreword)
- Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder: A Model of Emotion Regulation
Give him or her some oral and no talking, just make love, or screw (whichever you are in the mood for)
Sometimes, people try too hard to make someone feel better, or they want to win a fight. I do this! I will spend hours trying to make my boyfriend feel better with cards, kisses, hugs, therapy sessions,affirmations,etc. and sometimes he would have felt better if i just gave him a blowjob.
We do what we think they need, but never what they want.
Give a back rub, go down on them. Talk about it later if they want to talk.
Suck it, tell him and show him he has an amazing penis and a great body.
Suck her, tell her and show her she has a great body and amazing boobies
Kiss their belly and show them they have an amazing stomach
Sometimes, people try too hard to make someone feel better, or they want to win a fight. I do this! I will spend hours trying to make my boyfriend feel better with cards, kisses, hugs, therapy sessions,affirmations,etc. and sometimes he would have felt better if i just gave him a blowjob.
We do what we think they need, but never what they want.
Give a back rub, go down on them. Talk about it later if they want to talk.
Suck it, tell him and show him he has an amazing penis and a great body.
Suck her, tell her and show her she has a great body and amazing boobies
Kiss their belly and show them they have an amazing stomach
"They always need me to keep in touch and call me all the time"
Negative
"It's annoying, I need to have my space. I need time to myself."
Positive
Mental Filter
Cognitive reappraisal
If you're not good at verbalizing your feelings there are other ways. This can be used for anyone. If someone doesn't want to be bothered and they are upset, instead of pushing yourself onto them, you can express your love and comfort this way. DO NOT write things like "you should see a therapist," "Please get help," Etc. Cute love letters are the idea here.
See Fine is not a feeling's blog post for more ideas.
See Fine is not a feeling's blog post for more ideas.
Index cards
Write feelings and emotions on cards. Keep them near to pull out whenever you need the
Write poems, mixtapes, songs, etc. for the other person
- "Maybe we all need to settle our issues by putting out mixtapes...lol" - Mike Epps, talking about Jay-Z putting out a response album to Lemonade
- Open Letter from those with Borderline Personality Disorder (With Narration and Text)
- How to Stop Taking Things Personally @ psychology Today
- How to Stop Taking Things Personally @ Wikihow
- How to Not Take Things So Personally: 6 Helpful Habits @ Positivity Blog - 1. Breathe 2. Get clarification 3. Realize everything is not about you 4. Talk it out 5. Ask yourself: is there actually something here that could help me? 6. Improve your self-esteem.
- How to No Longer Take Things Personally @ Purpose Fairy
Emotional policing
- Emotional Policing @ Enlightenment Ward - "Emotional policing as is meant here, is usually done by strangers in a drive-by fashion on the Internet and occasionally even in person in a social setting. They’ve generally never interacted with the person on the blog, twitter or whatever, never tried to have a conversation with them nor are they likely very familiar with the body of work the writer has put out. They read one post (and badly read it generally) or heard one talk or more often go by innuendo spread by others, make a snap decision based on it and pronounce judgment due to their own discomfort with the issue, language, tone or content.Here’s some examples of emotional policing:“You need to spend more time on the cushion!”“You’d get more readers if you were nicer.” (that’s the tone argument)"
- How To De-Escalate Intense Fights @ Medium - "Walking on eggshells is exhausting. The natural response is to check out or fight back. Often, though, leaving the room or defending oneself triggers more wrath, as those who have suffered childhood trauma easily feel abandoned or punished.
While there is no perfect way to calm an explosive moment, rehearsing and memorizing a couple of phrases to say during explosive times can help try to break a negative cycle. The goals are to:
De-escalate the fight before it gets worse.Use words that communicate you are not abandoning or punishing.Know you have the right to set healthy limits and boundaries." - Limiting Escalation / De-escalation @ Beyond Intractability -
- Verbal De-escalation Training @ CPI - Communication is the Key to Crisis De-Escalation...Undivided Attention...Be Nonjudgmental...Focus on Feelings...Allow Silence...Clarify Messages...Develop a Plan...Use a Team Approach...Use Positive Self-Talk...Recognize Personal Limits...Debrief...”
- Verbal De-Escalation Techniques That Actually Work @ Security Solutions - “OODA loop stands for “Observe, Orientation, Decision and Action”. A security operative needs to firstly Observe all aspects of the conflict situation (situation awareness) and take into account the totality of the situation. Secondly, Orientate the information that has been gathered about the conflict and compare it to their training, their experiences and their knowledge. Thirdly, Decide on the best course of action (based on matching the first two steps) and lastly put the Action into motion. No matter what that action may be (disengage and call for additional resources, make an initial approach and so on) there will be a resultant reaction or change in circumstances and then the loop begins again.”
- Five Ways to De-escalate a Conflict by Guy Harris @ The Recovering Engineer - “1. Listen...2. Acknowledge and accept their emotions/feelings...3. Apologize for your contribution...4. Control your tone and body language...5. Focus on the future...”
- @Wikipedia -”De-escalation refers to behavior that is intended to escape the escalation of commitment bias.”
- Police Training for De-Escalating Conflicts @ V-Academy - “Here are some strategies presented in training programs offered by various agencies: Listen respectfully. ...Be aware of body language...Maintain control...Remember that the only person whose behavior and thinking you can absolutely control is you. “
- In Conflict Resolution, Give De-escalation a Chance @ Security Debrief - “Emotional Hijacking Avoidance...Employing “Yes” Questions...Transitioning from Positions to Needs...Executing a “Positive No” Response...”
- De escalation techniques @ Slide Share
- Use communication strategies to de-escalate conflict - Use communication strategies to de-escalate conflict @ Sie Learning
- Tips for De-Escalating Conflict in a Work Environment @ The Balance
- 12 Methods to De-Escalate Violent Situations | 2015-07-28 @ Security Magazine - “1. Use the person’s name.... 3.Speak slowly.... 4. Use restatement for clarification.... 6.Paraphrase.... 8. Allow time for reflection....9. Give options. 10. Ask for their idea or solution...11. Use simple words...12. Maintain 65-percent eye contact..."
- 20 Things to Do When You’re Feeling Angry with Someone
- VERBAL DE-ESCALATION TECHNIQUES THAT ACTUALLY WORK BY SCOTT TAYLOR CPP.
- Five Ways to De-escalate a Conflict By Guy Harris
- Limiting Escalation / De-escalation By Michelle Maiese
“I” Statements : I Feel, I need to calm down,I'm sorry, I appreciate
- Manage Conflict: Repair and De-Escalate @ The Gottman Institute - “Here are a few examples of phrases that you can use to get your message through. If they feel awkward or forced, use language that you feel more comfortable with:I Feel… I am getting scared.Please say that more gently.That felt like an insult.I don’t feel like you are understanding me right now.I Need to Calm Down… I just need this to be calmer right now.Can I take that back? I need your support right now.Can we take a break?Sorry… Let me try again.I’m sorry.I really messed up, I can see my part in this.I want to say this more gently but I don’t know how.I Appreciate… I know that this isn’t your fault.Thank you for…I understand.I love you.”
disenage